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Some examples from the archive..

 According a new survey the average British male has sex twice a week and each session lasts for three minutes and one second.

Handy information that. I can hear it now across the kitchens of the land "Darling  I need you in the kitchen. The egg timers broke again".

Another massive Iceberg has broken away in Antarctica. The new berg is 34 miles long by 7 miles wide. It was spotted on a satellite image by the US defence Met programme. This follows a berg the size of Luxembourg breaking away last week and an even bigger one in March.

In March when it was brought to the presidents attention the conversation went like this.

Bush- so what.

Aide - Well if they drift in to warmer water the bergs could melt causing a rise in sea level.

Bush- Why do you guys bring me this shit , I mean what do we care if the sea level rises in Antarctica. 

This time around Bush was ready for them.

Aide- There's been another massive iceberg break a way in Antarctica.

Bush- Right and if it gets in to warmer water it'll melt causing a rise in sea levels which affect the whole world and not just Antarctica .

Aide That's right sir.

Bush Okay here's what were going to do. Bomb the shit out of it. To break it up before it gets to warmer water. Now son do you see why I'm the President.

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